"Oh...your adoption is open?"

Yup! We have an open adoption. :) It is a wonderful thing! So many people are so surprised that we have an open adoption. We get lots of weird looks and opinions about it. Which is totally OK with me. I like when people ask or share their opinion. I just share mine right back. I think that we fear what we don't know or understand. Open adoption is nothing to fear, it is extremely healthy and beneficial for everyone involved. It's not a co-parenting situation. It's not a Lifetime movie situation either, the birth mother is not going to show back up and steal her baby. (You would be surprised at how many people ask if we are afraid of that happening.) The answer is NO WAY! When a mother places her child it is out of pure deep love for her child. She wants the VERY best for her child that she unfortunately is not able to provide at the time. So she chooses to place her child with a family who can. She knows that it is a forever choice. She knows that there is no changing her mind. Just because a mother places her child doesn't mean that she doesn't want the child or she doesn't love the child. In fact it is quite the opposite. No mother ever wants to place their child. It's the ultimate selfless sacrifice. The birth mother loves her child so deeply that she put the child's needs above her own feelings. The love she has for her child is so deep and so real that she is able to make and go through one of the most if not the most painful and hardest decision of her life. Just because she can't provide what her child needs, does not mean she should never be able to see her child again. That is too painful and not fair. I don't think that she should ever have to wonder what happened to her child. She should always be able to know if she wants too. (I am not against closed adoption if is something that the birth mother chooses or if it is in the best interest of the child due to mental instability or criminal history, so please don't misunderstand me here.) Open adoption is a beautiful way for the birth mother to see that her child is thriving and doing well. It  really helps her to know that she made the right decision. It's fabulous for the adoptive child as well. I know that it was important for my husband I to have our child always know where he came from. We didn't want him to have the questions of who he is and always wonder where he came from. With his birth mother T in the picture he will never have to wonder that. He will always now how loved he is by his birth mother and what an amazing and selfless sacrifice she made so that he could have the very best. He won't have to wait until he is 18 to start looking for her. He will never have to start that painful journey b/c he will always know from the very beginning. We also believe that it was important for us b/c our son is African American. So he obviously has a culture difference. How great it will be for his birth mother and birth grandmother to teach him things about his heritage that we could not. Open adoption is truly a healthy beautiful relationship.

Our relationship with Zaden's birth mother and birth grandmother is very open. We see them 4 times a year (every 3 months) and I email them once a month with and updated and tons of pictures and videos for them to see. We text often and call each other occasionally. It's a wonderful easy relationship and we are truly blessed by that.

We are about to see them next month for our 2nd visit! We are too excited and I know they are too. Our first visit was great! We went to their home. It was so nice! L, cooked for us and man can she cook! Shout out to L! Holla! :) It was so neat to see T, hug and kiss Zaden. We love knowing that he is extra loved! His birth grandmother was just so in love with him. He definitely felt comfortable with her as he fell asleep often in her arms. We had a great time together. We just chatted and chatted. I also took their pictures with Zaden. (If you don't know me I am a photographer.) I enjoyed taking their photos and editing them and getting them printed for them to have. It is something that I plan to do every visit. I am looking forward to seeing how the relationship will grow. I wish I had more to share, but being that Zaden was only 3 months old during the visit he didn't say or do much! Haha! So it was just a lot of holding and cuddling and ooohing and aaahing over him. He has more of a personality now so I am excited to see how he interacts with them at the 2nd/6 month visit. I will definitely keep you updated on that.

I get a lot of facebook messages, texts and face to face questions about our adoption journey. I want to answer any questions that anyone may have. We are pretty much an open book when it comes to our adoption story. So feel free to comment here (I do accept annonymous) or email me at lovesowins@gmail.com and I wold love to answer your question. I will post the questions and answers at the end of each blog that I write. :)

Here are the 3 most recent/common questions.

What made you adopt a black baby?
God. That is the baby He made for us. :) We didn't specify a race in our paperwork, we stated that we were open to any and every race. God wanted us to keep that open and we did. We trusted Him and knew that the baby for us regardless of race would be the perfect child for us and he is!!

Was it hard telling people that you were having a black baby?
Nope. Not all. We weren't ashamed. :)

Do you ever want to have your own child?
I have my own child, I just didn't give birth to him. ;) I understand this question and the heart and intention behind it. I know it isn't meant to be hurtful, but it is. Zaden is and always will be our own child regardless of biology. As far as having a biological child, I don't know what the future holds. We do want to adopt in the near future. :)